I kicked him under the table during grace and smiled.

In my search to find spirituality, i have read some interesting books about religion. My sister recommended that i read some books on witchcraft or wicca. I look up to my sister because she's smart and has a strong character.. so i started reading afew books that she had lent me about understanding wicca.

I'm not going to lie, the books she had lent me were pretty boring for me. Due to the fact that i'm male, and witchcraft is popular mostly for females. I found her choice in literature to be too.. "Woman power!"

But... I did find a book at a local spiritual bookstore that was an extremely easy read. It was called Wicca For Men. I forget the author's name at the moment. But this book wasn't actually for men.. just not directed towards women specifically. Unisex, i guess..

Anyways, the point i was trying to get at with this has to do with prayer.

Prayer is a powerful thing some say. Prayer is something any pious person, from any religion does. It might just be called something different.. like meditation or seance.

Before continuing, I need to say that the golden rule applies to witchcraft as well. It is said that anything you do, will be returned to you threefold. Which basically means: do unto others as you would have done to yourself. (i'm saying this for those who read on and decide that i have given enough information about witchcraft to teach them how to cast spells.. so.. if you are still reading.. don't cast spells.. don't be immature or selfish.)

When casting a spell in witchcraft, the spellcaster embraces all 5 senses to focus on what they are trying to achieve.

This seems very logical to me. I have had my experiences with prayer.. and.. yes, while in my youth (and still) i have trouble focusing on one thing for any period of time. In my own head, prayer would go like this:

Dear Lord

Thank you for blessing me with a good day today, I appreciated the sunshine. Please help my brother through the trying times he has ahead of him up north. I'm hungry.. i wonder what's in the fridge to eat.. hmm.. is there any good cereal? oh yes, mom bought honeycombs yesterday.. did kristina drink all the milk? hm. oh! i'm praying right now.. umm.. yeah.. thanks lord.. i'm going for food.

amen.

If it's not food then it's something else.

If i'm focusing all my senses on what i'm praying for. Maybe using a certain scent that reminds me of _____. Or a picture of _____. I will be that much better at staying on task in my prayer.

Why do you think we fold our hands and close our eyes during prayer? it's to keep us more focused.. there isn't anything more entertaining than seeing how fast you can twiddle your thumbs during prayer.

EDIT: They swing incense at catholic church right?

Maybe what i'm suggesting is bringing in some unorthadox idea's into the christian mindset. but.. i don't know.. it just seems logical?

hopefully this makes some sense and you can comprehend what i'm attempting to explain.. i'm so tired i'm dizzy right now.. and i'm sitting down.. so.. this sucks.. only 3 and a half hours of work left! hahahaaha

sleep tight world.

I was kind of lost on the blogging scene here for a while, but i'm trying to get back into it. And I realized I hadn't boasted about Arwen's artistic talents. She hung out with us while we were recording vocals and doing final touches on our ep.. and, well, this is what she came up with!

Excerpts From A Book About Nothing

I just don't understand. you only get what is in your first hand. Who deals the first hand? God. Or maybe I'm just here so there is someone lower in the caste system than someone important. Does it make you feel good? Maybe I'm just here to work for someone, and make them lots of money..

I feel like the cog that was thrown into the clock for the sake of just being there. But everyone is out here to make some money, so why waste precious materials on a useless cog? I don't exist. We've been lowered to a SIN number.

"Employee # 693 493 828, you are too old and useless, please retire. Enjoy your decrepit body in retirement!"

Ant Superhighway

Effective modes of transportation.. Highways..

in my backyard, there is a concrete foundation for my fence near my smoking section. Today i discovered that the ant infestation in my backyard uses this brilliant piece of architectural technology as their "ant super highway." I stood and studied their pragmatic use of this clear route. I was not able to follow 1 ant to see what/where he personally is doing/going. A future goal i wish to accomplish shortly. The ants use it quite wisely and increase ant productivity 3 fold.

A Reinvention of Inspiration

I haven't blogged in a while, so my apologies to those who care to read..

The band, as stated in the last post from regan, has another show.. we are all very excited to play again and we have some new material in the works that we hope to share.

I feel very excited/worried for our show. Graham will be missed, but we have a dear friend filling the position of bass for our new song(s?). If this friend reads this, expect a call from me on wednesday.. i think we will need you at a jam very soon.

Friends are all i have these days, and i would like to extend a thank you to those who care to be a part of my life. If i show it or not, you are appreciated and you mean alot to me.

Why do manequin's have nipples? Do they give off a subconscious vibe of "sexy?" when i see nipples on a manequin, i just think what's the point? Do clothes sell better if the manequin has nipples? hmm...

well, i have to leave for work in 8 hours.. and i'm really tired... and i'm losing my voice.. (which really worries me by the way) i hope everything settles in the right place for our show. or... i don't know what i'm going to do...

People should take time to sit under the stars and watch for satellites more often.. I think it's going to be a new passtime for myself.. You can learn alot about yourself if you take a moment to think about all that's around you.

Goodnight and take care,

A first time for everything...

My first post here..... so this is what it feels like?

I'm not sure if I was supposed to do this, but nobody else has yet, so I might as well take the opportunity...

Cedar's Bloom has a show at the bassment July 26th! No, we'll still be 3/4 of a band (damn i miss Graham...), but we have been working on a few new tricks so I think it will definitly be worth seeing. Forgive me, I forget who were playing with.... um Dear Solace, Prevail, and Julie-ann (I probably spelled them all wrong, sorry). Ok, maybe I do remember..... I think thats them.... anyway, we would be honored for you to be there. And if you still haven't picked up one of our EPs, we should have some at the show ($5).... Lee and Trev, please add what I forgot and correct what i've screwed up.....

Thank you,

Regan

I was just deleted what i was blogging about.. It was stupid.. I was attempting to write something funny.. i just don't feel funny these days... I was making an advertisement for some kind of company that sold heavy metal circle pits. Complete with heavy metal music to excerise Tai Bo or karate to.

I'm retarded. I look forward to getting rid of fake people. Look at yourself in the mirror.. I can see how fake i am, and i'm disgusted by myself. You should be too. What's the point in pretending to be something you not? The friends you have made while being fake really aren't your friends. With some of us it's more obvious than others. You know who you are.

Enough of that.. I had a good idea for a song today.. and i didn't come across it through serendipity, which is usually how i write most of my other shit. I'm almost proud of what i've done today. Grand Theft Auto San Andreas kicks ass.. I love it.. I'm not proud of how much i played that game today.. I work at 7 am tomorrow and then i get to laminate my mom's driveway.. yippy.

it seems so pointless. what's so great about the scenic route when you know it's just pain that lies ahead? doesn't seem so scenic anymore does it?

Wait a second... Suddenly, there is clarity. This world runs on a fist for another. Greedy bastards. Including myself.. i would be proud of myself if i got rid of all my material possessions.. such as my collection of dvd's.. my friends xbox.. my tv.. my computer.. all the things that really don't matter in this world... maybe i could make some money.. pay for the funeral.. someone told me the other day that it costs 20 000 dollars to die. i don't know what that buys.. but it was from an old lady, so i believed her she be dead sooner than i. Maybe the cost of death is so high to guilt people into staying alive... it's really just a life tax... caskets cost something like 1000 dollars. it's just some wood and fancy pillows that are worth more than what you would spend on a pillow when you were alive. does an empty shell really need to be comfortable? you can shit on my face when i'm dead if you want.. i'm sure i won't mind.. so obviously i'm not going to care if i have a nice pillow.

hmm. yeah.. i'm done.. those are some random thoughts for the day... take care everyone

p.s. you won't find true love drawing sticks.

A Lullaby for the lost.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning

Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up on my own anymore

Sing to me
Sing to me
I dont' want to wake up on my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go

There is another world
There is a better world
There must be
There must be.

Lyrics by The Smiths.

This secret made me laugh. Post your own secret at http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

a satanic 'do-gooder'

I am feeling too sad to be inspired lately.. No.. it's not only because Graham is leaving. I don't know what it is really... Maybe it's just a self confidence thing. I feel like my last posts are filler.. or a way to remind people that i still exist.. and then there are those moments where i think it would be much easier to leave if i was forgotten.. hmm.. or easier for you to say good riddance if i was hated..

anyways... i was reading a post by... i think it was John - a - dreams.. and he did a quiz about what religion would best suit him.. with religion being right up my alley, this quiz was too hard to pass by.. so.. here are some results:

You scored as Satanism.

Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.

Satanism 88%
agnosticism 83%
atheism 67%
Buddhism 63%
Paganism 63%
Islam 63%
Hinduism 42%
Christianity 29%
Judaism 29%

Hope no one misses the real me too much.. i look forward to coming back.. take care everyone.

...

Sometimes all it takes is a song, that voice that pushes out emotions in the shape of words, that chord in the perfect place. It all comes tumbling down, the facade of the person everyone thinks you are. The sobering moment where you see the un-romantasized version of yourself. Cedar sits quietly in the back of the room, just waiting for that insecure moment to pull out a dark secret that causes the mass to panic.

And the tears fall. The back of your throat hurts from the attempt to keep it in. You cry and laugh at yourself for the act. What is it going to solve?

Me.