Ego and the Xbox Junkie

Bill had a bit of a problem. His life revolved around video games. The newest game that scratched the itch of his obsession was called Mortal Kombat. For those who aren't familiar with this game, you pick a character who fights in afew different styles, and your opponent picks either the same or a different character. The match starts and it's a bloodbath to the death in a variety of different open spaced settings.

Bill was exceptionally good at this video game. He would get bored by playing with his strong characters, and play with poor characters to show sympathy to his finger mashing opponents. Yet Bill never lost. His Mortal Kombat ego was growing. So Bill hooked up his gaming system to the internet in hopes of finding more challenging opponents. And still, Bill rarely lost.

Entering online and local tournaments, Bill would always come home with a medal. And his Mortal Kombat ego continued to expand.

Something that should be mentioned in this story is that Bill had a small frame. He had quick instincts and reflexes but there was nothing to be intimidated by should something arise where his physical fitness would useful.

One cold day in September, Bill got himself into a little bit of trouble at school with some of the older kids. Bill was not friends with these kids but they overheard him claiming that he could not be beaten by anyone in the school at Mortal Kombat.

A larger kid named Tony overheard this conversation and had put some quality time into the video game phenomena as well. He approached Bill and challenged him to afew rounds after school.

Bill had no doubt in his mind that this Tony character had no chance at beating him. And Bill had no problem expressing how much he was going to kick Tony's ass to those who would listen. Infact, Bill was so confident that he told his peers that he would win each round in less than 30 seconds of play.

So the gamers went at it. They played for an hour. And Bill won each round in 30 seconds or less. Tony was good at controlling his emotions, but the humiliation of his loses was beginning to be too much.

When they were almost finished playing for the hour, Tony had reached his limit. He threw the controller against the wall, disconnecting it from the video game system. He stood up and told Bill he was going to fight him outside.

Bill was so immersed in video games, his ego carried over to reality. He knew all the Mortal Kombat moves so well that he was sure that he would humiliate Tony even more.

So they met outside, standing about 10 feet apart as if about to have a gun fight. Bill quickly got into his favorite Mortal Kombat position, the "praying mantis" stance. His arms were above his head and he was standing on his left leg, with his right leg out in front of him resting on his heel at a 45 degree angle.

Tony charged like a bull. Bill saw him coming but tripped over himself in his awkward stance. Bill was on the ground, with no air in his lungs. He laid there gasping for a breath on his back for an instant before Tony was straddling him and letting his hard knuckles get aquainted with Bill's soft face. Bill was helpless.

After he was released from the hospital with a broken nose and a chipped tooth, Bill understood where he had gone wrong.

The moral of the story? You can't fight in reality, like you can fight in a video game. The same rules don't apply. Join some kickboxing or karate and don't rely on your Mortal Kombat skills to save you.

Or maybe throw in some Street Fighter moves such as the "Hiyuken fireball."

Best of luck in the future to all you "Bill's" out there...